If you’re being confronted with the situation of a spouse cheating, you’re likely confused and hurting and don’t know what to do next. Every course of action seems wrong. Every thought confusing with a bad ending. That’s what betrayal does. It gets into your head and heart and permeates your being. Right now you may be questioning your own personal survival. But trust me, you will survive to live another day.
How do I know? Because I’ve been there and gone through it. I caught my wife in bed with another man in the middle of the night few years back. I suppose it could have been worse, but not by much. I survived. So can you, if that is your strongest desire. Right now it is important that you not attempt to solve anything. Let tomorrow take care of itself. You’re just trying to get through the day. When you have a spouse cheating slapped in your face, sometimes that’s all you can do.
If you’ve caught your spouse cheating, here are a few things you should know:
*You have to let go of the images running around your brain. This is easier said than done. Trust me. I know. All this does is cause you to continually re-live the hurt and doesn’t do you a lick of good. You’re going to have to rally yourself right now. No one else is going to do this for you. When the images creep into your head, consciously give thought to something more pleasant. For me, this was a memory of my children: a birthday, a school function, a moment of laughter. Doesn’t matter. Swap one image for the other. Do this!
*Don’t blame yourself. Right now, your self worth is probably at an all time low. You’re likely doing an inventory of yourself and not liking what your seeing. You’ve caught your spouse cheating, after all. There has to be something wrong with you, right? Wrong. The act of betrayal has nothing to do with you. Sure. You and your partner may have had problems, and you may have greatly contributed to them. But, you did not cause them to cheat. That was a decision they made independent of you and from their own personal character. Stop judging yourself and your worth based on this. It’s not valid.
*Seek out those that love you unconditionally. You’re going to need them right now. You need to be in a place where you feel safe and where you can let out whatever emotion is bubbling inside you. You can only do this with people you trust. If you’re away from those you trust and love, embrace your child. Look at their faces. Know how much they love and depend on you, how much you mean to them. There are beautiful things still in the world. Just raise your head and look.
*Do not retaliate. This is a big one. You may be going through a rush of intense anger. It’s understandable. The person you’ve trusted with your life, soul and heart has betrayed you. You have the right to be angry. But, please, don’t act out in physical violence. The only one your hurting, in the end, is yourself. Pause. Breathe. Let it go and move on to the next moment.
*Stop comparing yourself with object of your spouse/partner’s betrayal. I know. They are taller, prettier, smarter, younger, better in bed…better than you in every way, right? Nope. They are not. They are just different with the same weak points that we all have. Given time that will all be exposed, and you can take comfort in knowing that the dream world where you caught your spouse cheating will eventually come crashing down into reality. It always does.
You see, the world is made up of real people, with real problems, with weird quirks and turns. You may have caught your spouse cheating, but you know more than they do. A life of depth and meaning is directly related to a level of commitment and honesty, an emotional investment to a time, a place, a group (a family). Without that, we have nothing. We are nothing. Your cheating spouse could take a lesson from you.
Spouse Cheating? End the Doubt and Find Out Right Now if You’re Being Betrayed:
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