Not knowing can be agony, so sometimes, you just have know how to catch a cheating spouse.
The pain of confirming your worst fears will be excruciating, but it also will bring some relief. You’ll be freed from the constant stress and sense of unease that comes from always doubting yourself, your marriage and your spouse.
It’s not easy to catch a cheating spouse. Often, the cheater is paranoid about you finding out. You’ll need to be subtle and discreet, while paying meticulous attention to everything.
Keep detailed records
Write down what he does, like what time he (or she) leaves the house and when he comes home, what he’s wearing when he leaves and returns and everywhere he says he goes, including any names he mentions.
Log the phone calls he receives and the times he checks his texts or e-mail. Record how many miles he drives. Make copies of his cell phone and credit card statements. Don’t forget to check the bank account to see when and how much cash he withdraws.
Hide your notes where he’s unlikely to find them. You won’t catch a cheating spouse if he knows you’re looking.
Watch for indications of deception
This is tricky because people lie for reasons that have nothing to do with infidelity. And certain emotions – like anger or insecurity – might make your spouse seem deceptive, even when he isn’t.
Body language: When lying, people often try to over-control their bodies so as not to appear fidgety and nervous. His posture might appear more rigid than normal, but stress “leakage” might make him move his hands or feet more than he usually does. You might also notice that his pupils are dilated more or that he’s blinking more rapidly than usual.
Speech: People take longer to respond to questions and use more verbal hesitations – um, you know, well – when lying because they’re thinking, rather than remembering. Also, liars often offer too few or too many details. His responses might be slower than usual, or they could be either overly vague or full of information you don’t need to know.
Remember these are indicators, not proof that he’s lying.
Get physical proof of the affair
The only absolute way to catch a cheating spouse is with electronic evidence. Trust me, nothing else will make you 100 percent sure.
GPS trackers: Devices about the size of a deck of cards that you can hide on your spouse’s car. The tracker records where the vehicle goes. Results show online or download to your computer. Check your state laws before using one.
Keylogger software: Programs that run in the background of a computer and capture every key stroke so you can read what he’s writing when he’s online.
Hidden cameras: Digital cameras disguised as everyday objects, usually with built-in digital recorders that download directly to your computer. Use video-only cameras because it’s illegal to record audio in some states.
You might consider hiring a private investigator. Find one who specializes in surveillance and infidelity cases. Expect to pay $75 to $100 an hour.
Confront your spouse
For many people, it’s not enough just to catch a cheating spouse – they also need a confession.
Lock him into the lie first. Ask questions to which you already know the answer. Don’t let on that you know, and definitely don’t reveal your evidence. (In fact, never reveal all of it).
Once he’s committed to a story, tell him you know he’s lying. He’ll ask how you know. Be general, but offer enough details to show you aren’t bluffing. That will force him to guess exactly what you know and adjust his story to fit. Call him out on each new lie.
As he gets flustered, keep pressing him. Finally, tell him that you know the whole story, so he might as well confess.
If you follow these tips, the results won’t be pretty, so you’ll have to decide for yourself if finding out the truth is worth to you. But, if you absolutely must, then at least you know how to catch a cheating spouse.
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